It's a joke
by Saberin7
Summary: It wasn't Eli's fault actually, it never was. Even though Eli was the cause. Because the girl who cried wolf could only blame herself.
1. Chapter 1

It's a Joke

It wasn't Eli's fault actually, it never was.

Even though Eli was the cause.

Because the girl who cried wolf could only blame herself.

* * *

If one were to ask what was Nozomi's forte, the little ones would probably leap up and answer eagerly;

"Her spiritual power nya!"

"Her fortune telling abilities."

"Nozomi is… very motherly."

"She's very responsible!"

The third years, however knew it otherwise.

Toujou Nozomi is best at hiding behind her mask of smiles.

* * *

They didn't spend the time together for nothing. Ayase Eli wasn't a school student council president in name.

Eli picked up on the cracks in the façade.

Ayase Eli saved her from the broken shell that she built around herself.

Yazawa Nico gave her the strength to step out of it.

The rest of Muse gave her what she needed the most.

They gave her friends that she could finally call her own.

* * *

A habit is something that is hard to change though.

It wasn't like Nozomi needed to do this anymore, it came as a habit.

"It's nothing really,"

There was no need to feel weak.

There was no need to make her members worry.

Yet like always, on their way home, Eli would bring her to the parfait shop that they always frequented.

Eli would comfort her with her presence, never asking, just understanding.

Eli understood her need to sometimes hide in her former shadow.

It gave Nozomi a sense of comfort.

Being in Eli's arms felt like home.

She understands.

* * *

It wasn't a difficult thing to fall in love with Ayase Eli.

Eli gave her something that she had yearned for throughout her childhood.

There was no muse if Eli hadn't join along with her.

Eli gave her strength, trust and precious memories.

She gave her a wild pounding heart.

It was difficult to fall out of love.

* * *

It was only human nature, to resort to your old habits when you're at a loss of what to do.

Her love was over spilling, there was nothing to contain these overwhelming feelings.

Her insecurities were escalating, there was nothing to comfort them this time.

Not when the comfort was the cause of them in the first place.

Toujou Nozomi reverted to her old ways.

* * *

There was an increasing need to say the words out.

Nozomi relented.

Those words though, were never directed at the person she wished to say it to.

"Ah! Thanks Hanayo-chan! I love you and your rice balls!"

It wasn't necessary a lie,

But it wasn't really the truth.

* * *

She was overwhelmed.

When Eli had held her from behind, telling her it's okay to made mistakes even though they had practiced a million times, she relented.

"Thanks Elicchi, I love you."

There was a chuckle, always like a song to her ears.

"Me too."

She was overwhelmed.

Maybe a façade isn't so bad after all.

* * *

A habit is something that is easy to fall back to.

Not to mention she got addicted to the sweet fantasy.

It was still nice to hear.

Even though the context of the meanings were wrong.

She thought that maybe she could live with this.

* * *

It became their common phrase during important events.

"I love you, Nozomi."

Eli had said them with kind eyes.

That Christmas she got her wish, though it was a lie.

* * *

They were graduating in April.

These few months had been nothing but sweet memories.

Nozomi wondered if they could remain this way till the rest of their school year.

* * *

There was increasing public attention for the graduating council president.

She heard talks about courageous people talking about asking Eli for her uniform button.

She heard talks about confessing to the blonde on graduation day.

She was overwhelmed.

Her heart clenched.

* * *

Those three words were spoken way too often.

Nico had been bothering her about that.

"Cut it out Nozomi!"

"What's the matter, Nicocchi?"

"Don't give me that! How dare you chide me for not being honest when you're not being honest with yourself!"

"N-Nicocchi…"

"Nozomi you're a hypocrite you know. Eli is the same."

* * *

Was it fate? Or was this punishment for lying to much?

Nozomi wonders if this was her fault.

* * *

Before the day of graduation, she had seeked out Eli, her pounding heart barely containing within her ribcages.

The feelings were too much.

She grabbed her love's arm before the hyenas of the school could come close to their beloved student council president.

On the corner of her eye she spotted Nico giving her a thumbs-up before proceeding to cry on a very flustered Maki's shoulders.

She wished for their situation to be better than hers.

* * *

"I love you, Elicchi."

There was no sparkle in her eyes this time, she was sure of it.

They say eyes were the windows to their souls.

She bared her all.

Two emeralds that were as clear as sky, with emotions as deep as the sea, were looking at the azure blue.

"This is a joke right? Nozomi?"

"Because its April's fool today?"

No no, it wasn't.

"It wasn't!" Her cries were unheard.

"Nozomi... I can't believe this..."

"You said it too many times for it to be true."

It wasn't.

It was never one.

* * *

Part 1 fin


	2. Chapter 2

It's a Joke: Part 2

It wasn't Nozomi's fault actually, it never was.

Even though Nozomi was the cause.

Because it was all created by her own shadows.

* * *

To others, Ayase Eli was the epitome of perfection.

Cold and strict, an ideal role model, a true exemplar of Otonokizaka High School.

Ayase Eli was the dependable one, the one that her juniors look up to.

She was the one that was level headed, the one that was mature.

But no one ever gets it easy,

When it comes to the things they love.

* * *

They didn't spend the time together for nothing.

Toujou Nozomi wasn't just her best friend in name.

Nozomi picked up on the cracks in her insecurities.

She saved her from the hell that was her own shadows; She gave her _light._

The rest of Muse gave her the support to stand on her own; against her fears.

She thought that it was enough.

But the darkest shadows lurk around where the light shines the brightest.

* * *

The anchor in her life was acting weird.

It wasn't difficult to see.

She had long mastered the skill of unfolding the layers of lies her best friend had whipped up.

There was never the need to reveal, never the need to expose.

She knew that her presence was enough, and that Nozomi would eventually tell her the crux of her problems.

Ayase Eli prided herself on figuring out her friend's thoughts.

It delighted her to be able to cheer Nozomi up.

It felt like she was the anchor for once.

* * *

Not necessary everyone likes change.

It takes courage to be able to go against the current of flow.

When the shadows of her fears binds her feet, when the light of hers gets dimmer, her fear of change grew.

* * *

Nozomi was definitely behaving out of normal.

Everyone could sense that. The parfait dates were not working.

It's getting out of hand; out of her control.

Her fears increased.

What's worse was Nozomi not telling her anything this time.

How could she be blamed for fearing the unknown?

* * *

She was overwhelmed.

When she had held her love from behind, telling her it's okay to make mistakes, her heart pounded furiously.

"Thanks Elicchi, I love you."

The pounding got wilder.

It was getting difficult to breathe.

She let out a weak chuckle, breathless from the impact of her words.

Was it what she had hoped for?

* * *

It wasn't hard to fall in love with Toujou Nozomi.

Those emeralds that spoke volumes, those smiles that were only reserved for her to see; it was captivating.

The subtle flirting, the normal daily interactions, she loved them all.

It was hard to admit that she had fallen in love.

Because what awaits beyond that is a risk that is too huge to take.

* * *

The aftermath of that breakdown was a beautiful illusion.

It was a luscious fantasy.

Those three words satisfied her aching heart.

It was soothing, yet prickled with something else.

"Aww Elicchi, I love you!"

But it brought about another wave of nauseating fear.

She's a coward.

* * *

It was hard to believe.

Not when she had long since lost the ability to read her friend.

This was new territory, uncharted grounds.

She lack the confidence, especially when she had so much to lose.

Nozomi was her everything.

She was her world.

* * *

It was painful.

Hearing the words being spoken, yet not knowing the true meaning behind them.

She drowned in the comfort of the literally meaning, desperately clinging on to the hope that it was true.

Sometimes she regretted uttering those words back.

Because it made it seem like they were in love.

* * *

It became their common phrase during important events.

"I love you, Nozomi."

She had said it out loud many times.

Yet the fear of saying it never decreased.

"I love you too."

That Christmas she got her wish, even though it felt unreal.

* * *

They were graduating in April.

Eli wondered if they could remain this way forever.

In this situation where she felt like she could drown in the whirlpool of emotions.

* * *

Those three words were spoken way too often.

Nico had been bothering her about that.

"Eli I never thought you'd be the same as Nozomi," The shorter one angrily stopped her one day after meeting.

"What's wrong?"

"Couldn't you see it now? Tell me you couldn't see it! Everyone knows. Everyone felt that! Don't tell me there is nothing going on between you and Nozomi."

"I…"

"If you ever try to tell me to admit my feelings again, I swear I will hit you."

"Man up, student council president. This doesn't suit you."

* * *

Was it fate? Or was this punishment for being a coward?

Eli wondered if this was her fault.

* * *

It was Aprils' fool that day.

The day she actually feared the most.

She was indeed nothing but a fool to Nozomi on days like this.

It wasn't like she disliked Nozomi's teasing.

But the sudden loss of her ability to tell what Nozomi was thinking had been bothering her beyond frustration.

She couldn't tell what was spoken from her heart anymore.

* * *

"I love you, Elicchi."

They say eyes were the windows to their souls.

Two emeralds that were as clear as sky, with emotions as deep as the sea, were looking at the azure blue.

"This is a joke right? Nozomi?"

She can't even tell if this confession was real.

"Because its April's fool today?"

This couldn't be real, she inwardly laughed.

Nozomi is teasing her again. It's that day for the biggest joke after all.

"It wasn't!"

This couldn't be real.

She couldn't believe this.

This must be Nozomi's routine need again.

"You said it too many times for it to be true."

The windows to her love's soul broke.

She registered the hurt within the emeralds.

She could finally read her again, finally tell what she was thinking.

The dams were unleashed, the pounding wouldn't stop.

Realisation crashed upon her.

Everything was hurting.

The purple was leaving her line of vision.

* * *

She's a coward.

Even as she frenziedly pound her tired legs towards the direction of her lost love, she couldn't help but fear.

It was something that she had never encountered.

It was something that she had feared.

* * *

Eli wondered if it was too late.

* * *

 _Part 2 fin_


End file.
